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Why Your Last Affair Turned Out To Be A Loser?

July 16, 2015

“Fell in love”....It has become more of a cliche these days than anything else. Every now and then you will meet people talking about their newly found love. Newly found love that is more towards the extremity of frequently occurring activity on the frequency measuring scale. The regularity with which people fall in and out of love makes me wonder whether they are even aware what love means or in clearer terms when they are actually in love. To understand the tangled issue, you need to be more of an observer. Looking closely at any one of such failed relationships helps you decode the missing link. After enough of observation and analysis, you will soon realize that they are merely fulfilling one of their conditions. It can be anything from finding a partner who is good looking, someone who is rich, someone who is from your own religious community and the list goes on. To disguise such conditions, we usually translate them into some modest, good to use in our society words like looking for a partner with a secured future, person from same background and various others. Every relation can be deciphered into one or the other thing that sounds less lovey dovey and more materialistic. So what exactly is happening? Isn’t this showing that materialism has extended its wings and now forms a part an integral part of even people’s love life which is in great sayings by our fore forefathers considered to be free from any form of conditions. 
 
Having a keen interest in psychology, I have been analyzing the people and their relationships for so long. When I first met a divorced person, I studied closely his broken relationship and turned out it was differences of opinions of the two persons that led to the separation. But then as the marriage was arranged, it made me conclude that may be they never got the chance to interact with each other to have known about their likes and dislikes or to know whether in future there will be any activity that they both can equally participate and enjoy. After that first meet, I got the chance to analyze the behavior of many other divorced men and women. Soon I was in a situation where I was surrounded more by persons who had love marriage rather than arrange marriage. A conclusion that I made earlier of not getting enough chance to know each other at the time of marriage was shattered by this observation. Some divorced couples had got their courtship period even longer than 10years. That is a good enough time to know a person you want to spend rest of your life with. Isn’t it? Now what is the issue here, why the relationships are failing? Why people are not able to find one perfect person they want to spend rest of their life with? Why are they always falling for a person who they are not supposed to be with? 
 
One simple answer to all such mind boggling questions is “Materialism”. Does it baffle you? Love is an emotion and how come materialism affects that. Let’s try to examine the situation very minutely. When it comes to love, people have set their boundaries. And they are not willing to look beyond that. Just like when you go out to buy a thing, you know what all features it should have to make an impression on others. Similarly when you go out in this dating market to find a partner, you are haunted by same thoughts. What it is that will make a mark on others? Good looks, nice physique, a jazzy car, a big bungalow, attractive bank balance and it is not limited to just looks and money. Materialism goes beyond that; to even things that doesn’t look even materialistic but in reality are...”Is she a Punjabi girl? Is he a Hindu Brahmin boy? I hope he’s of same status? She is from our caste, isn’t she? Are you sure he isn’t manglik? We are an affluent family, how will a girl from middle class fit into our society. He’s seven year elder to you. She’s not a post graduate. I am a doctor, how can I marry an arts person.” List of such baseless and meaningless questions are unending and that is how our subconscious and sometimes even our conscious mind judging people around us for taking a decision of whether to fall in love or not. He is handsome, rich, Hindu, Brahmin, and IIM Postgraduate boy from our own state Punjab....OMG, all conditions met. Now I am in love. A thing as simple as liking a person and falling in love with one becomes a very complicated business decision where you have to take care of so many other attached things. It brings into my recollection beautiful words by Mother Teresa, if we will keep judging how we will ever have time to love a person. 
 
The secret is revealed now. So when you see a failed marriage or a broken relationship, think hard what extra features they bought in their partner just to please the society. On an ending note, Find your partner by keeping these shackles of materialism away and sooner or later you will end up with a person where your heart is supposed to be and not where you wrongly steered it to be.
 

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